Intelligent Design
In the beginning God created Dates. And the date was Monday, July 4,
4004 B.C.. And God said, let there be light; and there was light. And when there was Light, God saw the Date, that it was Monday, and he got down to work; for verily, he had a Big Job to do.
And God made pottery shards and Silurian mollusks and pre-Cambrian limestone strata; and flints and Jurassic Mastodon tusks and Picanthopus erectus skulls and Cretaceous placentals made he; and those cave paintings at Lasceaux. And that was that, for the first Work Day.
And God saw that he had made many wondrous things, but that he had not wherein to put it all. And God said, Let the heavens be divided from the earth; and let us bury all of these Things which we have made in the earth; but not too deep. And God buried all the Things which he had made, and that was that. And the morning and the evening and the overtime were Tuesday.
And God said, Let there be water; and let the dry land appear; and that was that. And God called the dry land Real Estate; and the water called he the Sea. And in the land and beneath it put he crude oil, grades one through six; and natural gas put he thereunder, and prehistoric carboniferous forests yielding anthracite and other ligneous matter; and all these called he Resources; and he made them Abundant. And likewise all that was in the sea, even unto two hundred miles from the dry land, called he resources; all that was therein, like manganese nodules, for instance. And the morning unto the evening had been a long day; which he called Wednesday.
And God said, Let the earth bring forth abundantly every moving creature I can think of, with or without backbones, with or without wings or feet, or fins or claws, vestigial limbs and all, right now; and let each one be of a separate species. For lo, I can make whatsoever I like, whensoever I like. And the earth brought forth abundantly all creatures, great and small, with and without backbones, with and without wings and feet and fins and claws, vestigial limbs and all, from bugs to brontosauruses. But God blessed them all, saying, Be fruitful and multiply and Evolve Not.
And God looked upon the species he hath made, and saw that the earth was exceedingly crowded, and he said unto them, Let each species compete for what it needed; for Healthy Competition is My Law. And the species competeth amongst themselves, the cattle and the creeping things; and some ma deth it and some didn't; and the dogs ate the dinosaurs and God was pleased. And God took the bones from the dinosaurs, and caused them to appear mighty old; and cast he them about the land and the sea. And he took every tiny creature that had not madeth it, and caused them to become fossils; and cast he them about likewise. And just to put matters beyond the valley of the shadow of a doubt God created carbon dating.
And this is the origin of species. And in the Evening of the day, which was Thursday, God saw that he had put in another good day's work.
And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness, which is tall and well-formed and pale of hue: and let us also make monkeys, which resembleth us not in any wise, but are short and ill-formed and hairy. And God added, Let man have dominion over the monkeys and the fowl of the air and every species, endangered or otherwise. So God created Man in His own image; tall and well formed and pale of hue created He him, and nothing at all like the monkey.
And God said, Behold I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of the earth. But ye shalt not smoketh it, lest it giveth you ideas. And to every beast of the earth and every fowl of the air I have given also every green herb, and to them it shall be for meat. But they shall be for you. And the Lord God your Host suggesteth that the flesh of cattle goeth well with that of the fin and the claw; thus shall Surf be wedded unto Turf.
And God saw everything he had made, and he saw that it was very good; and God said, It just goes to show Me what the private sector can accomplish. With a lot of fool regulations this could have taken billions of years. And the evening of the fifth day, which had been the roughest day yet, God said, Thank me it's Friday. And God made the weekend.
Labels: Borrowed from Others
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My latest tale of.....Woah!
This morning I spent almost 2 hours trying to get some information off my student loan holder's website.
The sad thing is this same thing happens EVERY time I try to use it. They constantly tout going to their website with their automated voice bull. Remember the good old days when you spoke with genuine human English speaking people when you called someplace? How I long for those days to return...but I digress.
I received a notice from them in my email that they had processed my automatic payment deduction from my bank account; for the third time.
Now I don't know about you, but if they took out their payment three times, I'm in a world of hurt on my account balance. So.... I tried logging into my account online. No luck!
It seems every time I try logging in with whatever name and password I choose, I'm denied entry. I eventually wind up calling them, listening to their voice spiel, punching in the 1 for English then listening to the Spanish and the rest of the add for using the online website that is supposed to make things easier for us "customers". HA! We are captives held against our will being tortured with inept non-English-speaking people. We don't even know if they are American Citizens in the United States.
Anyway, finally at the end of a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng unnecessary aggravation I get a gentleman that doesn't speak English. I think his accent was East Indian, at least he sounds like the cab drivers and 7-11 guy on the Simpson, so I'm assuming he is from India originally.
We go through the same thing the automated voice had me do and I try to explain I can't get into my account online. He rattles off something, and I ask him to repeat and this goes on for about another 10 minutes. He finally gives me another password via e-mail and when I try explaining I've done that every time I tried getting into my account he rattles off something and hangs up.
Ok! I go back and try again with the new password... Three times I tried to no avail. It won't let me in, period! So.... back I go to the telephone... through all the voice adds, and punching in English, listening to the Spanish blah blah blah till finally I can punch O for Operator.
Thank God! This time there is a woman that actually speaks and understands English.
Woops! Spoke too soon. She has me wait when I try to give her the information why I called.
She puts me on hold!
I listen to some really crappy elevator music for another 10 minutes and she comes back.
"Yes! Right! Yes! Alright" I answer her questions and she's gone again.
"I'm sorry but we are having difficulty finding your account. Did you just open an account with us?"
"What? I've started my second payment book with you people, I've been with you for over 3 years now". I replied, and as I started to add more, she's gone again.
Finally after another hour of this I had managed to get the point across that I wasn't going to go away, and I was going to get some sort of answers.
She finally gave up on the evasion tactics and actually talked to me.
Perseverance pays off ...... sometimes!
By the end of the phone call, I still don't know why I couldn't get through on the second page of their website (she didn't know either and no one was around that knew) after using the password THEY gave me, but I WAS able to get my account information which shows (and she reassured me they only took out one payment) only one payment charged to my bank account. PHEW! With this many numb people working with access to my bank account, I just didn't and still don't feel real comfortable.
We both agreed it might be a wise thing to keep the password they gave me, especially when neither of us could find the link to the reset password access. We wound up friends by the time we were finished with this real-life cartoon in which we found ourselves acting as characters.
We both determined this philosophical conclusion; "We are doomed as a people, simply because we allow idiots to control our lives."
Whoever the head idiot is.... that person permits hiring of unqualified people: who do not speak English, who don't understand telephones, computers, can't get answers to valid questions because there aren't any available.
I said goodbye with a compliment to her for speaking such good English.... She had a Spanish accent of some sort, but it didn't hinder her English in the least. Now THAT's an American Citizen!
Thank you so much for complying, as my family did, to the language of this great country.
So how's your day so far?
Labels: Just 4 Fun
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2%
At the end of this message, you are asked a question. Answer it immediately. Don't stop and think about it. Just say the first thing that pops into your mind.
This is a fun "test".... AND kind of spooky at the same time! Give it a try, then e-mail it around (including back to me) and you'll see how many people you know who fall into the same percentage as you. Be sure to put in the subject line if you are among the 98% or the 2% . You'll understand what that means after you finish taking the "test".
Now, just follow the instructions as quickly as possible. Do not go to the next calculation before you have finished the previous one.. You do not ever need to write or remember the answers, just do it using your mind. You'll be surprised.
Start:
How much is:
15 + 6
3 + 56
89 + 2
12 + 53
75 + 26
25 + 52
63 + 32
I know! Calculations are hard work, but it's nearly over. Come on, one more!
123 + 5
QUICK! THINK ABOUT A COLOR AND A TOOL!
Scroll further to the bottom....
A bit more...
You just thought about red and hammer, didn't you?
If this is not your answer, you are among 2% of people who have a different, if not abnormal, mind. 98% of the folks would answer a red hammer while doing this exercise. If you do not believe this, pass it around and you'll see.
Be sure to put in the subject line if you are among the 98% or the 2% and send to everyone.
Labels: Borrowed from Others
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To Hell with being Nice to People like these!
Am I the only one that gets pissed when Missionaries from the LDS and Jahovah's Wittnesses people ignore posted signs?
Christ Almighty it's right beside the door and in full view of the entry way to my front door.
"NO SOLICITING!"
"NO SALESPERSONS"
"NO CHURCH GROUPS"
"NO SCHOOL SALES"
I get livid.
This afternoon two numb nuts LDS Missionaries tapped at my door. Seeing who it was when I answered, I said, "What's the matter can't you read?" I'll read it for you, and proceeded to tell them what the sign said.
One of them popped up and said, "Oh, but we aren't selling anything. We're your neighbors." like that makes it alright to ignore a posted warning.
I wanted to go get the boiling water and dash it through the screen, and tell them that was for being liers, and that I knew my neighbors and they didn't live in my apartment complex nor in my neighborhood, but instead I was polite and told them to get lost.
The one genius who said they were my neighbors used his most syrupy voice on my and asked "Is there anything we can do for you?"
Now in my real nasty days, I could have come up with a few things, but I just whipped the big one on them as I turned and left them, "The only thing you can do for me, is go away!"
I guess I have to go back to the boiling water through the screen.
I'll make a big sign
WARNING
IF YOU PESTER ME FOR ANY REASON
YOU CAN EXPECT TO BE GREETED AT THE DOOR
BY ME
WITH A BIG POT OF BOILING WATER
WHICH I WILL FLING OUT THE DOOR.
IF YOU DON'T WANT SCALDED ----
HEED THE WARNING
YOU ARE ACCOUNTABLE FOR WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU AT MY DOOR.
WALK AWAY WHILE YOU ARE STILL DRY AND UNHARMED!
Labels: Editorial Comment
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The Latest Picture I'm working on Now
I couldn't get the mist to work right, so I'm slowly turning it into breakwater upheavals and creating the tidepool which is the name of this piece now.
This picture is more accurate on the actual color than the rest. My puny camera don't like trying to take close ups so when I use the photo program it distorts the colors.
This one doesn't show the movement of the water, nor can you see the seagulls in the sky. The last one shows the water better, but distorts everything else.
Like I said, it's a work in progress no way near completion yet.
Labels: Art
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