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The muppets - manamana

The Muppets Manama-na

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posted by Jan myrz @ 4:30 PM 0 comments

Intelligent Design

In the beginning God created Dates. And the date was Monday, July 4,
4004 B.C.. And God said, let there be light; and there was light. And when there was Light, God saw the Date, that it was Monday, and he got down to work; for verily, he had a Big Job to do.

And God made pottery shards and Silurian mollusks and pre-Cambrian limestone strata; and flints and Jurassic Mastodon tusks and Picanthopus erectus skulls and Cretaceous placentals made he; and those cave paintings at Lasceaux. And that was that, for the first Work Day.

And God saw that he had made many wondrous things, but that he had not wherein to put it all. And God said, Let the heavens be divided from the earth; and let us bury all of these Things which we have made in the earth; but not too deep. And God buried all the Things which he had made, and that was that. And the morning and the evening and the overtime were Tuesday.

And God said, Let there be water; and let the dry land appear; and that was that. And God called the dry land Real Estate; and the water called he the Sea. And in the land and beneath it put he crude oil, grades one through six; and natural gas put he thereunder, and prehistoric carboniferous forests yielding anthracite and other ligneous matter; and all these called he Resources; and he made them Abundant. And likewise all that was in the sea, even unto two hundred miles from the dry land, called he resources; all that was therein, like manganese nodules, for instance. And the morning unto the evening had been a long day; which he called Wednesday.

And God said, Let the earth bring forth abundantly every moving creature I can think of, with or without backbones, with or without wings or feet, or fins or claws, vestigial limbs and all, right now; and let each one be of a separate species. For lo, I can make whatsoever I like, whensoever I like. And the earth brought forth abundantly all creatures, great and small, with and without backbones, with and without wings and feet and fins and claws, vestigial limbs and all, from bugs to brontosauruses. But God blessed them all, saying, Be fruitful and multiply and Evolve Not.

And God looked upon the species he hath made, and saw that the earth was exceedingly crowded, and he said unto them, Let each species compete for what it needed; for Healthy Competition is My Law. And the species competeth amongst themselves, the cattle and the creeping things; and some ma deth it and some didn't; and the dogs ate the dinosaurs and God was pleased. And God took the bones from the dinosaurs, and caused them to appear mighty old; and cast he them about the land and the sea. And he took every tiny creature that had not madeth it, and caused them to become fossils; and cast he them about likewise. And just to put matters beyond the valley of the shadow of a doubt God created carbon dating.
And this is the origin of species. And in the Evening of the day, which was Thursday, God saw that he had put in another good day's work.

And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness, which is tall and well-formed and pale of hue: and let us also make monkeys, which resembleth us not in any wise, but are short and ill-formed and hairy. And God added, Let man have dominion over the monkeys and the fowl of the air and every species, endangered or otherwise. So God created Man in His own image; tall and well formed and pale of hue created He him, and nothing at all like the monkey.

And God said, Behold I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of the earth. But ye shalt not smoketh it, lest it giveth you ideas. And to every beast of the earth and every fowl of the air I have given also every green herb, and to them it shall be for meat. But they shall be for you. And the Lord God your Host suggesteth that the flesh of cattle goeth well with that of the fin and the claw; thus shall Surf be wedded unto Turf.

And God saw everything he had made, and he saw that it was very good; and God said, It just goes to show Me what the private sector can accomplish. With a lot of fool regulations this could have taken billions of years. And the evening of the fifth day, which had been the roughest day yet, God said, Thank me it's Friday. And God made the weekend.

Labels: Borrowed from Others

posted by Jan myrz @ 6:06 PM 0 comments

2%

At the end of this message, you are asked a question. Answer it immediately. Don't stop and think about it. Just say the first thing that pops into your mind.

This is a fun "test".... AND kind of spooky at the same time! Give it a try, then e-mail it around (including back to me) and you'll see how many people you know who fall into the same percentage as you. Be sure to put in the subject line if you are among the 98% or the 2% . You'll understand what that means after you finish taking the "test".

Now, just follow the instructions as quickly as possible. Do not go to the next calculation before you have finished the previous one.. You do not ever need to write or remember the answers, just do it using your mind. You'll be surprised.

Start:
How much is:
15 + 6
3 + 56
89 + 2
12 + 53

Labels: Borrowed from Others

posted by Jan myrz @ 12:31 PM 0 comments

Happy St. Patrick's Day

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posted by Jan myrz @ 11:08 AM 0 comments

Women! Gotta Love Us!

Ok! So it takes a pot of coffee to get started in the morning.







But boy can we kick up our heels once we're going.








In fact we'll do almost anything for a laugh!







Then again, sometimes we're too sexy.

Labels: Borrowed from Others

posted by Jan myrz @ 6:27 PM 0 comments

The Awakening

     This was published in the South Beach Bulletin July 13, 2K, a now defunct paper.  I loved it so much I kept a copy.  I just wish I knew who the author was so I could add their name.  As far as I’m concerned this will go down in history as a classic piece of emotional art to be appreciated throughout the ages.  I know you will enjoy and relate to it.  Happy reading.

    
     A time comes in your life when you finally get it.

     When in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out…ENOUGH!  

     Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on.  And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears, and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

     This is your awakening.  You realize that it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.  You come to terms with the fact that He is not Prince Charming, and you are not Cinderella (or vice versa) and that in the real world there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of “happy ever after” must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

     You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect, and that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who, or what you are…. And that’s OKAY.  They are entitled to their own views and opinions.  And you learn the importance of living and championing yourself, and in the process, a sense of newfound confidence is born of self-approval.

     You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you) and you learn that the thing you can really count on is the unexpected.  You learn that people don’t always say what they mean, or mean what they say, and that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it’s not always about you.  So you learn to stand on your own, and take care of yourself, and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

     You stop judging and pointing fingers, and you begin to accept people as they are, and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties, and in the process, a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.  You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.  And you begin to sift through all the crap you’ve been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, and how much you should weigh, and what you should wear, and where you should shop, and what you should drive, how and where you should live, and what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, and who you should marry, and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.
     You learn to open up new worlds and different points of view.  And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.  You learn the difference between wanting and needing, and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

     You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive.  And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for you next fix.  You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

     You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not your job to save the world, and that you can’t teach a pig to sing.  You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say “NO”.  You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

     Then you learn about love.  Romantic love and family love.  How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away.

     You learn not to project your needs or you feelings onto a relationship.  You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of a man on your arm or the child that bears your name.

     You learn to look at relationships as they really are, and not as you would have them be.  You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.  You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love…. And you learn that you don’t have the right to demand love on your terms just to make you happy.

     And you learn that alone does not mean lonely… you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 4, or a perfect 10, and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head, and agonizing over how you “STACK UP”.  You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.  You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OKAY…. that it is your right to want things, and to ask for the things that you want… that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

     You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness sensitivity and respect, and you won’t settle for less.  And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his touch. And in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

     And you learn that your body really is your temple.  And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect.  You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise.  You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear.  So you take more time to rest.  And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul.  So you take more time to laugh and to play.

     You learn that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.  You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different than working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.  More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance.  You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it’s OKAY to risk asking for help.

     You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time.  FEAR itself.  You learn to step right into and through your fear; because, you know that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.  And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.  You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes, bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people.  On these occasions you learn that God isn’t punishing you, or failing to answer your prayers.  It’s just life happening.

     And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state… the ego.  You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.  You learn to admit when you are wrong and start building bridges instead of walls.

     You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

     Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself, and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself, and to never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire.  You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.  You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

     Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Labels: Borrowed from Others

posted by Jan myrz @ 5:29 PM 0 comments