SILENT VOICES SCREAM IN THE DARK
I wanted to share with you these feelings my daughter put into words so well. It's a stage in all Mom's lives we all muddle through somehow.
SILENT VOICES SCREAM IN THE DARK
by Robin Ritchey
My mind races from scene to scene.
My babies taking their first little steps,
The big happy toothless grins,
Those wonderful little arm hugs, and
The "Mama you is the bestest".
Flash forward-
My baby girl, become a beautiful young woman.
Now a Mama herself, she is now someone's bestest.
My heart swells with pride and love,
Silent voices scream in the dark.
My little man, no longer quite so little,
He stands Tall strong and proud,
Getting ready to stretch his wings and fly from my nest
As he makes smart, thought out choices regarding his future
Silent voices scream in the dark
My heart so very proud of every accomplishment, cries
My heart bleeds with the knowledge of no longer being MAMA
I must now be a "friend"
Silent voices scream in the dark
How I ache inside
The constant pressure of tears
The panic
The unseen spasms as my arms starve for the full feeling of my children wrapped in the protective loving embrace
Knowledge that my loving embrace could easily become a smothering cage.
How do I let go?
Twenty years my life has revolved around them
I've done my job well
I can see the Thanks Mom in their eyes as they walk away from me.
SILENT VOICES SCREAM IN THE DARK
I can't sleep
Will they still need me?
Will they be alright?
Will I ever make it through this?
Quiet tears stream gently down my cheeks carving rivulets into withered soul
Silent voices screaming in my heart.
Meow-y Christmas
You've all heard of the song... the twelve days of Christmas... well here's some more words that didn't ( and probably rightly so) didn't make it into the song.
On the fifteenth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me...
Fifteen lights a blinking, (All over the floor.. still not hung.)
Fourteen songs a singing, (Coming from all the rest of Ahem! His gifts)
Thirteen gifts to be wrapping, (Stuff for his mother and brother.)
Twelve drummers drumming, (Ever try sleeping with drumming?
(#$%^&*())
Eleven pipers piping, (Right up there with the drummer corp.. boooo!)
Ten lords a-leaping, (Actually bewitched frogs.. gimme a break!)
Nine ladies dancing, (Ex pole-dancers. Boy are they limber.)
Eight maids a-milking, (ya, and you better not get within arms reach!!!)
Seven swans a-swimming, (Bastitches have taken over my flooded yard.)
Six geese a-laying, (Anywhere they want! EEeeeeeewwww!)
Five golden rings, (Anyone got a clue where these go? The shower??)
Four calling birds, (Friends of the turtle doves.. up all night talking)
Three French hens, (Cute little suckers. Noisy, but cute.)
Two turtle doves, (Much like a pigeon,, just as messy.)
And a partridge in a pear tree! (Can't get to it for the swans.)
Now my house is a mess and I have all this mad house of people to either feed or find them jobs.
Meow-y Christmas indeed! Sick-em Santa!
Seeing Disaster Through Different Eyes
Mother Nature sent a storm through my area that practically demolished the state of Washington.
We've suffered winds gusting as high as 112 mph. Flooding in all areas; even on freeways. Some are saying it's the worst flooding since 1996. I know it's the worst storm I've experienced in my 7 years living in Washington.
Sunday morning about noon the power went off and stayed off until yesterday night at 7:30 pm in my apartment. Power is still out in many places throughout the state. Roads are still closed all over and there is still flooding.
Trees were uprooted all over; flying debris: branches, signs, trash, metal bracing from buildings, antennas, buckets, and assorted unknown items are everywhere.
There are still telephone poles and trees lying on power lines in many places.
A man was killed in Aberdeen (26 miles from South Bend) when a tree fell on him. Another person was injured when debris caused him to crash into something while driving.
Here is my journal of my thoughts and feelings through the experience.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
I have about 2 hours of light left till it gets dark. The whole state is without power – floods, roads closed. Stores closed and the prediction is no power for 8 days, so we’ll be out of water in about an hour. I have enough fuel to cook maybe 5 hours worth of fuel and enough candles & batteries for a couple days; all kinds of food but no way to cook it after that.
I had just gotten a freezer pack and filled the freezer with meat. Now I’m worried it might all get spoiled if it actually takes 8 days for the power to come back on.
Monday, 3rd
Power has been off now since Sunday around 10 am. I had to go check on Robin and family to see how they’re doing and she said, Jasmin, Leif & Brittny were the last ones the Dept of Transportation let through on the way out of South Bend/Raymond area (Sunday) to get to the freeway to their house (I-5). They live in Tumwater (near Lacey, WA), but they aren’t close to this part of the family.
Until something happens, we have no way to find out how they are doing, because the cell towers went out too.
So Basically, Washington is stuck till they can get the roads open and power back on; and poor little berg South Bend and Raymond are cut off from the world; stranded. We have to survive the best they can
It’s been 1 ½ hours since I got back from Robins and I still have water, but I hurried home with the news we were loosing our water. I wanted to fill the bathtub and sink and any jugs, jars, pots, pans etc and to tell the people who are also stranded to do the same.
Those that have someplace they can go, left. But there are about half the apartments with people like me.
I’ll go out again to see if I can get any more fuel for cooking tomorrow. Maybe someone will run to a bigger city when the roads do open to get needed supplies for the area.
Here’s an occasion where people in trailers are better off than everyone else.
We are all electric. SUCKS!
No fireplaces. But a trailer runs on propane and electric. Might be difficult to warm them due to their not insulated that well.
Up here lots of people build roofs over their trailers and motor homes and extend out a carport.
I think it’s probably due to all the rain, snow and winds. A composition roof helps keep from having to replace a metal roof on them as often as they would have to without extra protection.
I don’t want to live in a tin can but they look pretty good in situations like this… LOL
Hell a fireplace sounds like heaven.
Tuesday, 4th
I was talking to a woman in line that said in passing something about having a wood stove, but she acted like it would be an indignant act to use it to cook when I made the comment “Well you’ve at least got a way of cooking and keeping warm.”
She replied, “Oh, I guess I could put a pan of water on there, but I’d rather go someplace. (I don’t remember the place she said she and her husband was escaping to…. Surprise on her when she finds out she can’t get out of here. The roads are all still closed.
I was getting candles and batteries today (lines were everywhere) it looked like the refugee pictures you see on the news, only up close and personal. It would have been nice to get some more fuel for the burner I have, but they were sold out of everything and none expected till the roads opened. What can you do, but accept it?
By the way, 5 candles: 4 (12” tapers), 1 (3”x 2”dia), and 3 packages of 4 AA Extra heavy-duty Eveready batteries cost me $30.19.
Wednesday, 5th.
Well, here it is another day no electric. All my meat is thawing, along with everything in my freezers. I’ll be eating cold thawed meat here pretty soon. LOL At least there is cold thawed fruit and vegetables to go with it… Yuck!
This is the 4th day of no electric in an all electric apartment in a small town, cut off from the rest of the world; due to a severe storm that tore down power lines, fell trees, caused floods, and destruction for 2 days.
It’s moved on and is wreaking havoc all across Northern USA & Southern Canada.
The last news I got was from an Army Reserve guy who came here this afternoon to see if everything was all right; if anyone needed help, and to tell me there was food at the school.
He also informed me the prediction is 10 days until power, but they are trying to get supplies in and the roads open again.
It’s supposed to turn cold tonight but stay dry for a couple days.
I’ve put some rubber backed panels over the bedroom window, half the living room sliding doors and 3$ of the living room window.
I used the valances and one panel to partially cover the bird’s cages sitting on the table and have set 3 candles in front of them to offer some heat. They don’t like the dark and being covered so much.
For myself, I’m adding layers, as it gets colder. Right now I have 2 pair of trousers over my underwear, a T-shirt, sweat shirt and woman’s button up work shirt, another pull over sweatshirt and a knit poncho. I haven’t put any gloves on yet.
Praise God! I still have some tepid warm water coming out of my hot water faucet… I got to warm my hands up. Oh, Heaven… what a wonderful surprise.
My guess is it’s around 30° inside right now at 3:20 p.m.
December 5th still… it’s hard to gauge time. It feels like it’s late, but it’s only been fifteen minutes since I last looked at the clock.
I’ve eaten some peaches out of the freezer that thawed completely. Nummmm I had hoped to make a peach pie for Christmas, but boy they sure taste good now. It sure doesn’t feel like suffering. LOL Feels more like a celebration. There are still some that haven’t thawed, so who knows… I might be able to make a strudel or something yet.
In a way, I’m glad this happened. So many people are being forced to spend time with loved ones. Reach out to strangers and be nice to each other. What better time of year for that?
The spending is being kept to necessities and not dancing the puppets dance to the advertisers strings.
Kids are being forced to talk to parents, and siblings.
National Guard soldiers get to do something good for their own people.
Trees that needed trimming are getting cleared.
Power lines are being inspected and repaired.
All roads are being inspected and repaired.
Forced vacations for many.
Guaranteed overtime for many others.
Now people will experience first hand some of the hardships the homeless live with every day.
COLD! – Cold food or no food at all except handouts, and only at the end of long lines.
We will discover who really cares and who are nice people; who is willing to help.
We will discover whom our families are again and if we still have one or not.
My family and myself?
My granddaughter and her family are over 100 miles away. No word yet.
My grandson 4 miles away… no word yet.
My daughter…. 15 miles away. No word since yesterday.
My son-in-law is volunteering time at the care center, since he can’t clock in or out. He won’t be paid for the 12-hour shifts or the 16 or 18-hour shifts he and others are working.
Some Certified Nursing Assistant’s can’t get home. Others can’t get to work.
Robin is on vacation and knows if she goes in she’d not going to be able to leave again. Medical code prohibits leaving in an emergency. So she’d be crippling herself worse than she already has for no pay, and probably wind up having to quit if she did go in.
So she refused, but chose to stay and complete her vacation time instead. When they called they had Tim call her to ask. The boss wouldn’t do it, thinking Tim (her husband) could talk her into it. They don’t know he’s been trying to get her to take time off, so she doesn’t wind up permanently crippled as a result from working short handed, and alone for so long. She’s so devoted to those old people, just like Tim; God love both of them for the jobs they do so well.
So
I haven’t seen or talked to any family other than about 10 minutes yesterday to Robin.
I’m still alone, but now without heat and electric.
My freezer food will be destroyed, if this goes on much longer.
I have canned and dry food.
I have enough fuel for my stove (1 burner) for about 2 hours (use time).
If I keep the use down to less than 1 hour a day, I can make it 3 more days. Humm…. only 7 days short of what they are predicting.
Hopefully they can get some supplies in before to long. I told the National Guard guy it would be over when God permits; till then we do the best we can.
I took the opportunity to thank him and all members of the National Guard for their services; not only here, but all over the world. He said, “Thank you mam”, and left with a smile on his face and a spring in his step.
The power came on at 7:30 p.m. this evening.
I know I was talking to God around 6 and I realized I was suppose to be observant and when I had seen heard or realized what I was intended to see through Gods guidance then the power would come back on again.
I was all set for seven more days of no electric but more in tune to look for what God wanted me to see.
I don’t know what time it was, but I was thinking of things I could do to help people in situations like this. And I flashed on audio books. Make audio books of books I read.
Maybe even go to the care center and see what kind of books people there would like, then making some.
Now it starts getting a little Twilight Zone-ish…. After cleaning up and putting things away I got what I thought was the DeVince code DVD, put it in the player (no TV yet) and discovered it was the Celestial Prophesy. About seeing with God’s eyes—feeling – experiencing God’s energy- opening up to that energy.
Stop trying to control, but give, and share not things, but self.
God’s loving energy flows into all things, even if we aren’t aware of it happening.
By opening ourselves completely, and passing that energy on to others, we again pass it on and back. The whole world can eventually become heaven on earth, instead of the hell it is now.
God is telling me this…
Nothing happens by accident!
If we are receptive to God’s leadership!
My prayer lately has been this:
Lord let me see through your eyes; what you see.
Speak with your mouth; words you want spoken.
Hearing with your ears; what you hear.
Let my hands be your hands; doing what you want.
Let my feet walk the path you set before me.
So that I might bring Glory to God the Father.
Amen
I continue with my findings; my discovery as a result of this prayer.
Religeon is control & that isn’t what Jesus wanted. It wasn’t His intent. That’s just what mankind has done on their own.
Jesus came for one purpose.
He accomplished it and returned to Father God.
We must realize and believe and accept what Jesus did.
The Good News! Is!
We are all going to heaven!
Everyone!
Not just good people!Not just Christians!
Not just anything!
We all … mankind … all of creation… are going to heaven!
We will/do belong to God, and will all return to god!
Religious dogma, rules, laws are all nonsense, written by men to control women, and to give themselves power over others. Denominations divide and separate people with thoughts of we are better than them. Organized churches use their own religious dogma, rules, laws and other nonsense to control their masses. Governments devise even more ways to control the people. The wealthy use their wealth, to control the poor. Everyone must feel better than someone else or they feel they have no value… more nonsense.
Until we open our eyes to realize we are all God’s people, all precious to God, we will never know heaven here on earth, but we can live better lives knowing we will be going to heaven when we give up these outer shells.
Christ our savior came as a child--- taught love--- died and overcame hell!
Why? As a sacrifice for our sins, and so we are seen by God as pure and acceptable to be with God; our Source of all life! From where we came and to where we will return without fear.
Christ was born into this hell we now live in and was raised from death. He was the first of many; we will follow Him! THAT IS WHY HE CAME!
He was made a sacrifice for us.
So we can expect this hell to be no better to us. But we can look forward to the fact that we too will raise and go to heaven. Because of what Christ did for us.
This Christmas Season… look through God’s eyes… hear with God’s ears… speak words from God’s heart… walk the path before you and know you are headed where God wants you to be……… with God in heaven, so meantime, why not do something nice for someone along the way?
Isn’t that what Jesus did?
