Blogging Melodrama

Frustration Sucks!

I'm Angry! I don't want to be but I am!

This morning my daughter calls me and asks what time my Dr. apt is? I tell her, "11:00 a.m." Then she says she was talking to Jasmin and she and James have their orthodontist appointments at 2:00 p.m but the only way they'll get there is if she pays for the gas; no more free rides. I said, "Yep that's right!" "I can't afford to drive anyone anywhere any more without them paying for the gas". Mind you she didn't ask if I'd take her; she never does, just lets it hang out there till ol' mom says something to the effect I'll take them. Then she says, " I'll call Jasmin and tell her."
Excuse me.....tell her what? I didn't say I'd take them. I just said I wouldn't take anyone anywhere free any more (I've been taken to the cleaners too many times and the free rides are over). She said she had to go that she was cleaning...and hung up.

Now just a few minutes ago I called to see if she was ready for a break. I get no answer.
Then a few minutes later I get a call. "What do you want!"
I replied, "I'll call you back." (she gets charged on her cell unless I call during the week)
"No, what do you want!"
"I was just calling to see if you were ready for a break; I am."
"No, I'm scrubbing my bathroom."
Now the tone of the conversation is totally different from when she called wanting something. Not the same friendly sounding voice; now it's a f-off voice.
So I said, "Ok, I won't bother you anymore today."
"I didn't mean it like that."
"Bye"
"Bye"
Now maybe I'm totally nuts, but I always make time for her when she calls....Always! Is that asking too much in return? All I'm asking for is a civil tongue and a friendly word, since I am the person that's always available whenever she needs to talk to me?

I just got a letter from the other one saying she wished we could have had more one on one time together; Jackii, Robin and me. That there always seemed to be kids or having to go someplace or do something or run errands for someone.
My reply to her was pretty much welcome to my world. If I could disappear I would; because I'm too stupid or just refuse to die and get out of the way.

They played taxi and never got a dime. They probably didn't get much in the line of a thanks either; it's expected, and it was given freely.

I'm just flat out angry. I don't want to be, but this is just wrong. The only time I'm ever called is when I'm needed to give something. A ride (Just last Friday to the doctor I had to drive at least 60 miles to get her back home because she didn't want to stay at my place ALL DAY), money (It was $10.00 and $20.00 and whatever damn near weekly till I put a stop to it because I'm broke and not working this Summer), food (I just emptied out my freezer and most of my back up food on my shelves and sent 3 bags of groceries to their house in the past few days; I was told they were out), donation to some school drive (I put up a sign to all the kids in the apt building not to pester me; I'm broke, yet my own grandson bugs me through his mother and he does too), use of my car and/or my gas card ( to drive to the Portland airport or to Aberdeen when they want to go in a car. They have one, but you know;;;; it's not running right ---I keep my tank full so there goes my gas. I get it back never where it was. Last time I told them they could put $15.00 on my gas card if they needed it for an emergency on the way to the airport; they charged $37.50 plus the full tank I already had and never offered to pay any of it back. They know I'm not Madam Got Rocks; it would be different if I was.) Then there's I don't have anything to do, I'm bored, so I called you. (That one always ticks me off) I told Jackii I wished I had enough money to just disappear for real instead of being a part of the woodwork until someone needs something from me.

I'm serious. If I could pack up and leave without giving any notice and moving to another state or out of the country; I'd do it. Then let them fend for themselves. Bet they'd be pissed at me for not being there. It would all be my fault. There wouldn't be any, "Gee I miss Mom bull-shit, just the bitch just up and moved."
Why didn't I just not have kids? I don't need this shit!

posted by Jan myrz @ 1:15 PM