More Jokes from the Nut Bag... Happy Labor Day
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students:"The female dormitory is out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. The second time you will be fined $60. A third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
A male student inquired, "How much for a season pass?"
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys in five different cars before he found his.Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
Everyone else left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him.
He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy.".
Fun Things To Do In places where I have to wait in a line or confined: elevators, markets, movies, department stores, tourist places, sporting events, etc. Always away from my home town. Try it, I'm sure you can find fun ones to add.
Fun Things To Do In places where I have to wait in a line or confined: elevators, markets, movies, department stores, tourist places, sporting events, etc. Always away from my home town. Try it, I'm sure you can find fun ones to add.1. Crack open your briefcase, purse or ice chest, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
2. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
3. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
4. Sell Girl Scout cookies. Or pick up a package from a shelf and try to sell it to help kill time while waiting in line. "Hey, to kill time in line... you want to buy this?"
5. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator or up an escallator.
6. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
7. When at least.
8 On an elevator after people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, motion sickness!"
8. Meow or bark occasionally.
9. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
10. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
Q: How do you know that a man is about to say something smart?A: It will always start with "she said..."
A man committed murder. To fight his case he was advised to hire a good lawyer. He checked one who asked for $100. He thought this one is not good enough. The next one wanted $500. The next $5000. He found a real expensive one who wanted $10,0000. So the accused hired him. Ultimately he lost the case and was sentenced to death. As he was being taken to the death chamber, the first lawyer met him on the way and said " I would have got you this result for only $100.00"!
posted by Jan myrz @ 11:55 AM
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